Identifying theme

An oldie but a goodie.

Me: My car is dying.

Student: I know a guy who can steal it for you so you can get the insurance money.

Student: Your name is Tabitha? That's a weird name. It sounds like it's from the Wizard of Oz. I mean, I didn't mean it like a bad thing! Like, *adopts munchkin voice* Tabithaaaa!
Me: Just do your Spanish.

Keeping it real

On analyzing literature

"Suzanne Collins uses language in her writing."

On language learning

Student 1: Do you shave your eyebrows?
Me: No. I don't do anything.
Student 2: Really? You don't do anything?
Me: Nope.
Student 3: Oh, Miss! Your eyebrows are so well organized!

On utopias

Me: What is "utopia"?
Student 1: That's in Africa, right?
Student 2: It starts with a "you," like, "unicorns," right?
Student 3: Oh, that's like "The Sound of Music."
Student 4: That's the movie with the grass and the mountain and shit, right?

Major life crises

Me: Let's do a quick review. What's a problem?
Student 1: It's, you know. A problem.
Student 2: 2+2.
Student 3: Oh, it's like when I'm making mac 'n' cheese, and don't have any butter. Though that's, like, a crisis.

On substitutes

"The sub was kind of weird. She was, like, a hippie. I kept expecting her to burn sage and, like, rub it all over the place."

On traditions

Student 1: When are you getting married?
Student 2: Can I be your flower boy? I'll be good, I promise. I'll throw rice at you.
Student 1: Dude, that's really racist.

Today's teaching moment: Don't assume everyone knows or understands "traditions."

On technology

Student: Was school hard for you when you were in high school?
Me: Sure.
Student: Oh, right, because you didn't have technology back then.
Me: How old do you think I am?
Student: No, I mean, you didn't have computers yet.
Me: How old do you think I am??

What happens when I ask for lots of details

"... there were maggots inside maggots, there were maggots inside the maggots inside the initial maggots. Maggots everywhere. I immediately shut the fridge and threw up on the floor, my vomit kind of looked like maggots so I threw up again, then I threw up because of the smell."